I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
