where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
