I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
