im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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