I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
