I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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