hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
