I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
