What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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