Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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