This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
