I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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