hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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