life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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