I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
