He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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