never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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