The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
