I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
