It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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