apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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