I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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