i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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