New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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