So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize