South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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