Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
