im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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