I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
