it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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