We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
