She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
