Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
