We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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