Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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