please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
