hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My liver just had a heart attack.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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