i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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