Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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