I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
