I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
