My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The beer is more important than you right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
