You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
