Someone shit on the floor
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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