ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
