I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
