my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
