last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I AM VODKA MAN
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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