Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
