he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
