I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
