Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there's paper in my vomit.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
