im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
