I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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