I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize