i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
