Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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