His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
