we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
