Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
