she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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