i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
