Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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