I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
