Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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