how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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