Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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